


Standard Operating Procedure

by theneonpineapple



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Law Enforcement, Canon-Typical Violence, Crimes & Criminals, F/F, Gen, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pre-Relationship, US Marshal Kravitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 23:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17476736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theneonpineapple/pseuds/theneonpineapple
Summary: ...Which this is not.Kravitz volunteers to help with an active bank robbery, but when a local detective does something rash he finds something he wasn't expecting.





	Standard Operating Procedure

**Author's Note:**

> what up i binge-listened to taz balance and now i'm gonna write fics bout kravitz trying to catch tres horny bois, who do crime, bc that's my exact shit right there

The bank building was on lock down. Alarms were blaring all over, and Kravitz had a headache from the sound and the clenching of his teeth.

This isn't even Kravitz's job, but the local LEOs had called the local FBI office while he was there, and Agent Bane had looked at him.

"Not your usual area, but we could use a hand... And there's no doubt The Raven has federal warrants."

"The Raven?" Kravitz said. He stifled a sigh. He hated when criminals had clever little names.

But at least this time it wasn't merely vanity. Anonymous names were common for street racers to preserve anonymity. Bane gave him the full rundown on the van ride over. Kravitz had never actually on active bank robberies, and he was interested in possibly expanding his professional repertoire. And racing sounded fascinating. He did note that Bane seemed to have an interest in the racing beyond the criminal. But he also thought the racing sounded wicked awesome.

... Or would be if it were conducted legally, of course.

"It's a very sudden jump," Kravitz commented, "to go from petty theft and street racing to a full bank robbery." He could feel something in his brain waking up. Not a hunch, but the suspicion and intuition that would lead to one.

And then Detective Hurley, whom Bane had introduced as one of the best in all of Goldcliff and their usual point for FBI involvement, had said something under her breath. And she moved too fast for Kravitz to stop her, grabbing the first aid kit out of the back of one of the nearby vehicles and pressing past the other officers to go in the side of the building.

"What the fuck," Kravitz had said, reaching for his service weapon.

Bane had stopped him. "Don't," he'd said. "She's a good cop. She knows what she's doing."

"She's walking into an active – "

"She knows what she's doing," Bane had repeated, and radioed to tell everyone to stand down and let Hurley enter. "She's one of the best trained deescalation experts around, and more importantly, she's been working these cases for years. She almost caught The Raven last time."

Kravitz had started really gritting his teeth then. It went against every instinct he had, not to mention protocol, to allow someone to just walk in alone like that in a dangerous situation.

"Radio your men again," he'd said. "Tell them two people are entering the building."

So he'd gone inside. His second mistake, by his reckoning. The first had been going along at all.

Not his job, not his jurisdiction, not his business, why was he here?

Curiosity. That damnable curiosity of his.

He'd followed Hurley to the vault on the top floor and rounded a corner in the dark building and finally he could hear voices: first just a low rumbling voice too far for him to make out words or pitch, and then a concerned female voice just slightly too garbled by distance. And then the man again, this time cursedly familiar and wholly audible by virtue of its owner's inability to modulate volume and its deepness.

"We totally had it," Magnus Burnsides said, "but we appreciate the help."

"Uh, you look wrecked," Hurley told him. "You're sure you don't need a hospital?"

"We're sure," said Merle Highchurch. "We know a guy."

"We do?" Burnsides sounded surprised.

"Me, idiot," said Highchurch.

"Oh. Maybe we do need a hospital."

"Oh, you sonuva—look, stop jokin' around and pick him up."

Pick him up?

Kravitz edged closer to try and get a line of sight.

Unfortunately, as incompetent as the three of them were, Hurley spun around at the first flicker of movement. "Marshal Kravitz! Don't shoot, they were trying to stop The Raven, they're just citizens – "

"Aw, shit," said Highchurch, looking up as Kravitz stepped into the vault, gun readied and pointed at the ground.

He ignored him, staring at Burnsides, who was holding a very bloody limp body. Taako Taaco. He had no mockery for Kravitz today - he was unconscious, face slack and ashen. The silence stretched.

Kravitz looked at Burnsides's face. The protective nature listed in his psychological profile was a prominent aspect of his various criminal charges for violent offenses. He looked at Highchurch, who seemed a little the worse for wear but had an air of confidence. He looked at Detective Hurley, who looked anxious, but lifted her chin defiantly.

She moved a little to stand between them. "I can see you know each other, but right now -"

"There's a bank robber getting away _right now_ ," Highchurch said. "Isn't that more in your job description, Kravitz?"

"I was here as a favor to help in case of a standoff," he said slowly. "You, however, are well within my job description."

"They were here to help, whoever they are," said Hurley. "No one ever stands their own against S—the Raven."

An interesting slip. It seemed Hurley knew more about the Raven than she – _not your case_ , he reminded himself. _Not your case, not your job, not your jurisdiction, not your business_.

"Are you suggesting I let three wanted criminals go, _Detective_?"

"I'm suggesting you put your weapon away. We're on the top floor of a building surrounded by cops and one of them is injured. We should just detain them and radio for backup and a medic."

Kravitz eyed them.

Highchurch spread his hands and looked pointedly at where Burnsides was holding Taaco. These guys might be assholes, Kravitz thought, but Burnsides wouldn't risk Taaco's life. He put the safety back on his weapon and stowed it in his holster. As he reached for his borrowed radio he said, "What are you three even doing here?"

"Weird shit," Burnsides said, and then threw Taaco over his shoulder and lobbed something across the room.

Kravitz dove to the side. He'd expected something more explosive than the smoke that erupted from the grenade, and the instinctive attempt to avoid shrapnel cost him precious time getting back up when visibility was already low.

He stood up and started towards where he'd seen the men vanish, only for someone to grab his arm.

"Hurley, let me go," he said.

"The elevator doors are open," she replied, choking on a cough a bit. "In this smoke you're going to wander in and fall down the shaft."

Kravitz sighed.

Mistake number three: trusting Highchurch and Burnsides for so much as a second.

When the smoke dissipated he and Hurley climbed back down the stairs together. Hurley had radioed in that the Raven was gone somehow, something about a possible zip line, and they'd cleared the bank of civilians. All that was left to do was trudge back out to let the SWAT team in.

"Weird that the Raven didn't take any hostages."

"She wouldn't do that."

He turned this over in his head and, in the meantime: "Do you really not know who those three are?"

"All I know is that they went into the building while everyone else was heading out and they asked about civilians and if she was armed. We got reports from some employees when we arrived on the scene. When that window broke I thought, well, I was worried they were involved."

"I thought you said she wouldn't do anything like that."

Hurley sighed. "She wouldn't. Or she wouldn't when I knew her."

A childhood friend maybe? _Still not his case_.

"I was thinking, we tell them that the window breaking was the Raven setting up her escape, and the folks who went in must've come back out in the chaos. She left the smoke bomb for us and vanished."

"That's a lie."

"Do you want to tell them we had four criminals up there and all four vanished and neither of us have anything to show for it?"

"That would look bad on my record, and this isn't even supposed to be on my record," he considered. "You'd really falsify your report like that?"

"It's Goldcliff PD, Marshal," she said, a little wry. "Lying is a requirement for taking the oath, in most cases. The question is whether you lie for the right reasons."

"What might those be?"

"I don't know much of anything about those guys, or what they were doing there, or what your deal with them is. I assume they're criminals. But when I got there they were trying to talk Sloane down even when she hurt their friend. And they were asking about civilians. I think they're pretty good people."

He chose his reply carefully. "Being capable of love and being a good person aren't the same thing."

"A few weeks ago I knew she was both," she said. "Something changed."

He didn't reply.

"Don't tell them I know her," she said. "I can still save her. I can still stop her."

"If Sloane could do that to Taako Taaco, you need to be careful."

"Even now," she said, "I don't think she could hurt me." She sounded hopeful about it.

A week later Kravitz found himself back in Goldcliff.

"Detective Hurley's car went off the cliff there. The dust storm slowed down the rescue efforts and now recovery is just about impossible."

"And Agent Bane?"

"He bought the weedkiller right over there and went straight to his office. It's been a weird week. Especially the tree."

"The what?"

"A tree grew in the middle of the bank lobby. Destroyed a whole fountain."

"One last thing," he told the young lieutenant acting as his liaison. "Have you seen these men?" And he handed over three glossy photographs.

The lieutenant hesitated over one. "This guy. He was wearing a bear mask, but he took it off…"

"Where did you see him?"

"He got out of the car right before Hurley went over, with two other guys."

Kravitz stifled a sigh. Of course. Weird shit _always_ followed these three.

**Author's Note:**

> btw - op is a lesbian and as such HURLEY AIN'T DEAD, kravitz doesn't have all the information
> 
> next up: excerpts from the long and terrible history of times kravitz, an otherwise perfectly competent guy, ran into these three fuckers
> 
> @ keplersheetz on tunglr dot com


End file.
